Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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