I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
