Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
