I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
