if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
