He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
