Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
