Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize