I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
