I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize