just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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