If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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