I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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