Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
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