I skipped work to stalk him.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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