Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I booty called her while she was in labor.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize