What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
