Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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