Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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