i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
organizing the empties. That sober.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
