I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
