Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
