There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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