Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize