i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
