Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize