vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
