if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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