I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i barfeds in our rink
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Found your dick twin last night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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