my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's blow job season.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
so much tequila, so little girl.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
