I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
