you didnt know i had herpes?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
