we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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