So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
