I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
