So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize