Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
