Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
