On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
are you so shy because you have an std?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
