dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
