put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
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i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
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she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that