you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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