she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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