You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
