I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
