a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
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I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize