i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
