Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
