what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
