Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
