Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
