Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
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My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize