Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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