In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
