I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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