i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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