The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
