Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
