I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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