You can't special order awesome
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize