Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
