I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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