I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
