I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
