I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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