The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
