I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
