Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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