my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
