We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
