Do you still have your period?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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