I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
