Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just found puke in my bra..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
