so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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