We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
