i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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