I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
