hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
