You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Help me help you realize you are a moron
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
