and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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