Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
