sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
is that a dick in a sweater?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
