i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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