hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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