Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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