This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
