I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
