ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
