i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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