she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
